From adventure to captivity : why the quest for security saps erotic vitality -- More intimacy, less sex : love seeks closeness, but desire needs distance -- The pitfalls of modern intimacy : talk is not the only avenue to closeness -- Democracy versus hot sex : desire and egalitarianism don't play by the same rules -- Can do! : the Protestant work ethic takes on the degradation of desire -- Sex is dirty; save it for someone you love : when Puritanism and hedonism collide -- Erotic blueprints : tell me how you were loved, and I'll tell you how to make love -- Parenthood : when three threatens two -- Of flesh and fantasy : in the sanctuary of the erotic mind we find a direct route to pleasure -- The shadow of the third : rethinking fidelity -- Putting the x back in sex : bringing the erotic home.